Dating..?

I’m not sure who, if anyone, will read these, but sometimes you just need a place to vent or drill up a topic of discussion (other than Facebook).  So, here it goes:  dating.

I’ve recently become rather jaded about men and the whole concept of dating.  To be fair, I had been on my way there for quite some time now, but recent events have solidified my stance there.  It’s like I was teetering on the side of the mountain and a swift breeze finally just toppled me over.  I’ve been doing the online dating bit for a long time.  In fact, I met my ex on OK Cupid and we had a wonderful relationship, even though it ended.  I’ve had a few other successful relationships that began online, as well, so I’ve never seen it as taboo or a bad thing.  Recently, though, it seems the dynamic of online dating, or maybe just dating in general, has taken a drastic turn.  Can we even call what’s going on these days “dating?”  I’m not sure we can.  I don’t think going on the prowl for some unsuspecting person to mount for the night, or a short period of time, can be remotely considered dating.  It’s a jungle out there and there’s a fever swirling around it, my friends.

So the situation that solidified my jaded feeling with dating…  I’m ashamed to admit it, but I got catfished.  I never thought something like that would ever happen to me; I was too smart for that.  Well, I thought wrong.  I got very, very enthralled with this guy.  We just clicked.  He seemed to say all of the right things.  That should have been a red flag right there, because that shit never happens.  Anyway, so it was a Friday night and I was going out with one of my girlfriends and her guy she was sort of seeing.  I tried to get him to come out since I was solo.  He said he was going to come, but then suddenly his mother was not feeling well and had to be taken to the ER.  That was when I began to be rather skeptical about the whole situation because it sounded like a load of crap.  I didn’t call him out right away because he claimed he was going to make it up to me with dinner Saturday night.  OK, great.  So Saturday came around and I was feeling excited, nervous and quite apprehensive due to the preceding events.  The date was set for 6:30.  I got a text from him around 5ish that he would be off work soon.  I felt a little better at that point.  Then 6:30 came closer and closer.  I was sitting in my apartment waiting for a text to tell me he was on his way, or something like that.  Nothing.  Since I had been feeling apprehensive, I wasn’t going to leave my apartment until I was absolutely sure he was going.  I never heard from him…that night.

I had gotten more curious and began an internet investigation Friday night and what I came up with made me sick to my stomach – this guy had lied so, so, so much about everything.  I had figured it out, so I text him the next day saying that I didn’t know what he was trying to pull but it was fucked up. 

I ended up taking a nap Saturday and wake up to a text from him saying, “Sorry, I’m a catfish.”  Boom.  I won’t go into the details of me ripping this guy out, but suffice to say that he looked nothing like his photos, didn’t even have remotely close to the same job he claimed to have, which was personal trainer (this guy actually works a dry cleaners), and also had kids.  Hell, the guy could even be married for all I know.  His Facebook only lent me so much information, but it was enough.

Let’s fast forward to this week, because this whole thing gets even better.  I wake up to a text Thursday morning that said, “I need someone to talk to.”  Well, I had deleted this guy’s phone number and all the messages, so I didn’t know who it was.  I had to plug the number into Facebook.  It was him.  I was floored.  I couldn’t believe he was texting me after everything.  I toyed around with whether to even text him back.  In the end I did because I was curious as to what he had to say.  I asked him what in his right mind would make him think I would be that person for him after all of that.  Long story short, he admitted he didn’t have any right to talk to me.  I essentially told him that he has kids and to go be a father and to lose my number.

The fact that I even have this story to share makes me shudder.  I know there are other victims of catfishing out there, so I feel for you.  I’m only glad that he had the decency (I’m not sure that’s even the word to use here) to not show up for the date.  That, I think, would have been worse.  Really, what can their endgame be?  He had the audacity to ask me if he could ever make it up to me.  So, what, you think that you can lure me in with lies, then hope that by some stroke of luck I’ll forgive you for your lies and like you anyway?  Um, I don’t fucking think so!

Suffice to say that I’ve deleted my dating apps and plan to go organic these days.  That isn’t to say that someone can’t still meet someone online, I’m just done with it.  If that means I’m single for a long, long time, so be it.  Call me old-fashioned, but I think the guy should take you out on a date – dinner and drinks, and dress nicely.  I’ve gone out on “dates” with some guys and they show up wearing some screen print shirt like they’re going out with their friends.  At least wear a damn button-up!  Us ladies spend quite a bit of time doing our hair, putting on our makeup and picking out a nice outfit to wear on a date.  The least a guy can do is wear a nice outfit.  First impressions are important.  I won’t completely write a guy off simply because his outfit doesn’t meet my expectations, but we’re definitely not off to a good start.

Here’s to going back to old-fashioned dating and meeting people organically - - Ha, ha, ha… I’m pretty sure I’m going to be single for the rest of my life!